8 Tips For Building Confidence In Kids

Do you have a confident kid? Some kids just seem to be born with that extra dose of confidence. You know the ones—they skip crawling and go straight to walking. They aren't afraid to raise their hand in school, try every sport, and give their parents premature grey hair by ramping their bikes or skateboards on every surface they can find.

But not all children are naturally confident. Some need a little more encouragement as their self-esteem grows. They may hesitate to try new things or shy away from challenges – and that’s ok! But as a parent, you may be wondering how to help your kiddos build their confidence. Thankfully, there are simple things all parents can do to encourage confidence in our children so they grow up feeling capable and self-assured.

How Does Confidence (Or Lack of Confidence) Affect a Child's Life?

Are confident children better equipped to handle the challenges life throws at them? In a sense, yes. Confidence provides a solid foundation for resilience, problem-solving, and the ability to face challenges.

Bob Cunningham, Executive Director for Learning Development at Understood, a non-profit that provides resources and empowerment for people with learning and thinking differences, explains that “kids with positive self-esteem feel confident and capable [and] value themselves and their abilities.”

Children with high confidence and self-esteem are more likely to:

• form healthy relationships
• act independently
• feel respected
• build resilience
• be proud of themselves
• take responsibility for themselves
• be courageous

On the other hand, children with low confidence and self-esteem are more likely to:

• struggle to form friendships
• lose interest in learning or trying new things
• give into peer pressure
• have feelings of frustration and anxiety
• be teased or bullied
• give up on things

Tips for How to Build Confidence in Kids

How do you help your child develop confidence? It all starts with providing a supportive environment where kids feel safe to take risks and make mistakes.

In an age where we’re surrounded by differing viewpoints and experts telling us what we should and shouldn't be doing to raise well-rounded kids, it's hard to know what advice to follow. In the end, it will all come down to what works best for you and your family, but there are some time-tested techniques you can try that will help your child build their self-esteem and confidence.

1. Encourage Independence

Developing healthy independence is a life skill you can work on with your children from an early age. In fact, this early focus can be crucial. A 2015 study conducted by University of Washington researchers and published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology revealed that children tend to develop a sense of self-esteem by age 5 that remains relatively stable across their lifespan. 

“Self-esteem appears to play a critical role in how children form various social identities. Our findings underscore the importance of the first five years as a foundation for life,” says Dario Cvencek, a research scientist at the UW’s Institute for Learning & Brain Sciences (I-LABS).

So how do you encourage independence in children as young as 5 years old? It starts with the small things. You'd be surprised how much more fun doing laundry can be when it's a "big kid activity" they GET to do rather than something you HAVE to do. Let your kids help with matching socks—this is something you can have a child as young as 3 or 4 years old help with and can actually be fun! 

As your child gets older, encouraging independence may look more like allowing them to walk to a friend's house in the neighborhood, or ride their bike to the bus stop. Put safety measures in place like having the friend's parent text you when your child arrives at their home, or track their location to make sure they made it on the school bus safely.

2. Promote Problem-Solving Skills

Sometimes, it's easier to attempt to solve a problem for your child rather than allow them to take the time for them to figure it out on their own. If two siblings are arguing over a toy, a simple solution may be to take the toy away from both of them and ask them to play with something else. But this is a prime example of a situation where children can practice their problem-solving skills. 

Emily Edlynn, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist as well as the author of The Art and Science of Mom parenting blog. When it comes to solving problems for our kids, her take is clear: “Let children figure out hard situations, either completely on their own, or with less hands-on steering from us.”

3. Provide Positive Reinforcement

Children thrive on positive reinforcement. When your child learns a new skill—even something small—give them specific praise that acknowledges their effort. Instead of generic praise like "Good job," try something more detailed like "I’m really proud of how you kept trying to tie your shoes, even when it was tough!"

All children respond differently to positive reinforcement, so it’s important to tailor your approach based on what motivates and excites your child. Psychotherapist Amy Morin provides a number of ideas for how to give your child positive reinforcement, from high-fives to special activities. Finding the right strategy for your kiddo will help them continue to build self-esteem.

4. Encourage Them to Try New Things

Not all children enjoy stepping out of their comfort zone. Playing with new kids, trying a new sport they've never done before, or reading independently may be anxiety-inducing or scary. You can help your child overcome their fears by gently encouraging them to try new things. Start with something small, like trying a new food.

When they're ready to move on to bigger things—learning to ride a bike—you can provide support by being with your child and reminding them that you're there if they need you. Whether it's joining a new sport, learning a musical instrument, or participating in a club, new experiences can help your child discover their passions and strengths.

5. Create a Safe Space for Making Mistakes

A major factor in building a child's confidence is helping them understand that it's okay to make mistakes, and that making a mistake isn't tied to their self-worth and doesn't mean they've done something wrong. Remind them that mistakes are a sign they're pushing their boundaries, learning new things, and growing.

As your child begins to understand that it's okay to fail, it will increase their motivation to push beyond their comfort zone and boost their confidence and self-esteem. (This is an ongoing lesson for grown-ups, too!)

6. Foster a Growth Mindset

A growth mindset is the belief that a person's capacities and talents can be improved over time. It's the opposite of a fixed mindset, which is the belief that abilities and intelligence are static and can't be changed.

You can help your child develop a growth mindset by encouraging them to break large goals into smaller steps and celebrating achievements along the way. For example, many elementary schools have reading challenges where students earn a prize or reward after reading for a specified number of days or minutes. Reading for 30 days or 600 minutes might seem incredibly overwhelming, but reading a book they love for 10 minutes seems much more manageable.

7. Celebrate Efforts

Celebrating our kids' achievements is great, but it's important to acknowledge their efforts, too. These words of encouragement can be as simple as "I saw how hard you tried during soccer today. Your skills are really improving!"

This reinforces the concept of a growth mindset in kids and encourages them to keep working towards their goals. As they improve and make small steps toward a larger goal, they'll continue to build confidence along the way.

8. Be a Role Model

Children learn a lot by watching their parents and caregivers. You can model confident behavior for your children by allowing them to watch you take on your own challenges, handling mistakes gracefully, and maintaining a positive attitude. Show your child how you approach problems, set goals, and work towards achieving them. When they see you demonstrate confidence, they are more likely to have a similar attitude regarding their own self-esteem.

How can parents be positive role models for their kids? Audrey Krisbergh, Certified Parenting Educator for The Center for Parenting Education, encourages parents to focus on the positives they can model for their children.

“Ask yourself what kind of people you want your children to become, and then consider what you can do to model the behaviors and attitudes that would reflect that kind of person.”

How Cosmo Helps Kids Build Confidence

As you think about how to build confidence in kids, remember it's a process that takes time. It won't happen overnight. Continue to offer positive reinforcement, encourage independence, and let them know that it's okay to make mistakes, and you'll watch your child's confidence and self-worth continue to grow.