As parents, one of our most important jobs is helping our children navigate the world safely. And we get it, the rise in true crime podcasts has us all a little paranoid about child abductions, making us want to never take our eyes off our kiddos.
So we understand that when it comes to teaching them about stranger danger, the conversation can be tricky. We want to protect our kids without creating unnecessary fear, and we want them to recognize dangerous situations without assuming every unknown person is a threat.
So how do you find that middle ground when it comes to teaching your child how and when to talk to strangers? We'll share our thoughts on how to approach the topic of stranger danger in a way that’s balanced, realistic, and effective for kids of all ages.
Key Takeaways
- Help children understand the difference between safe strangers, such as police officers or store clerks, and dangerous strangers.
- Use age-appropriate, non-threatening language when discussing personal safety with children.
- Role play to help children feel prepared when they encounter potential danger.
- Ask questions and encourage open-ended conversations.
- Discuss online safety issues.
Teaching Your Child to Identify Dangerous Situations
Even in the good old days of childhood, (remember when we had the freedom to ride our bikes around town until the streetlights came on?) child safety was still a top priority for parents. But the concept of “stranger danger” has changed over time. We've shifted from a focus on avoiding all unfamiliar people to helping children recognize potentially risky situations—essentially, we want our children to understand both the concept of "stranger danger" as well as "stranger safety."
Rather than teaching kids to fear every stranger, experts now suggest that it's more effective to help them understand when they may need to seek help from safe adults and when to be cautious if approached unexpectedly.
Stranger Danger vs. Stranger Safety
Imagine your child gets separated from you at a crowded place like an amusement park. In this case, it’s important that they know it’s okay to seek help from certain adults—like a store clerk, a security officer, or a parent with children.
On the other hand, if a stranger approaches your child, you want them to understand that they shouldn't engage—teach them to walk away and find a trusted adult if the situation feels off. Phrases like “My mom is waiting for me” or “I’m not allowed to talk to people I don’t know” are helpful for kids to use.
Help kids understand what it feels like to "trust their gut," by explaining that if something feels wrong, it’s better to be safe than polite. Julia Storm, a Digital Wellness educator who helps kids and families navigate screens and technology, shares how we can help our kids recognize their gut feelings: "Share examples of what a gut feeling feels like to you and guide them in figuring out where in their body they feel their gut feelings or instincts - tingly legs? stomach ache? shortness of breath? general scared feeling? Explain that our bodies often recognize when something is wrong even before our thinking brains do!"
Start Early With Basic Safety Rules
Safety education should start early. When your child is young, focus on simple rules that are clear and easy for them to understand. Things like:
- Never go anywhere without telling a parent or trusted adult.
- If someone makes you uncomfortable, tell an adult immediately.
- Adults should not ask children for help.
How to Have Age-Appropriate Conversations With Young Children
With younger children, use language that is simple and non-threatening. Instead of using "stranger" or "dangerous person," you can use the term "tricky person" to describe a grown-up who may try to trick kids by offering a ride or offering to give them something.
Children are concrete thinkers, so avoid complicated scenarios and stick to clear-cut examples. For example, explain that if someone they don’t know offers them candy or asks them to follow them, they should say no and look for a trusted adult. You can continue the conversation by discussing situations they may encounter at parks, stores, or other public places.
How to Have Age-Appropriate Conversations With Older Children
As children get older, they'll likely earn more independence and privileges, such as walking to and from school or the bus stop by themselves. Along with this increased independence, though, comes more risk.
According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, children are at the greatest risk for non-family abductions during the hours directly before and after school. Additionally, older children are more likely to be abducted when walking alone or with their peers.
This growing independence means it's more important than ever to have open and honest conversations with your child about safety. The key is to move beyond simple "stranger danger" messages and talk more about trust, intuition, and setting boundaries with people they may know.
For example, you can discuss how even familiar people—neighbors, acquaintances, older friends, or even a family member—might cross a line or make them feel uncomfortable. Encourage your child to trust their instincts and to walk away from any situation that doesn’t feel right, even if they can’t explain why.
Role Play
Experts suggest that practicing real-life scenarios helps children retain safety lessons better than just talking about them. Try role-playing different situations with your kids. You could pretend to be a stranger offering them a ride, and have them practice saying no, walking away, and telling a trusted adult.
This active approach builds confidence and helps children feel prepared rather than anxious when faced with a real-life situation. Whether it’s saying no to an unfamiliar adult or refusing to go somewhere with someone they know but don’t feel comfortable around, kids need practice navigating these tricky moments.
Examples:
- Stranger Offering a Ride: Pretend to be someone offering your child a ride home or asking for directions. Have them practice saying no, walking away, and finding a trusted adult.
- Unfamiliar Adult at the Park: Practice what to do if an unfamiliar adult approaches your child at a park or playground. Role-playing with questions like "Can you help me find my dog?" will help your child understand the right responses.
- Uncomfortable Online Conversation: Simulate an online conversation where someone asks personal questions. Teach your child to identify the warning signs and how to disengage safely by either blocking the person or reporting the incident.
Encourage Open Communication With Your Child
One of the best defenses against danger is open communication. Encourage your child to talk to you about anything that makes them uncomfortable, and make sure they know they won’t get in trouble for bringing up difficult topics.
To help foster this, consider using specific conversation starters such as:
- “Has anyone ever made you feel uncomfortable online?”
- “What would you do if you got lost in a store?”
- “Who would you talk to if someone you didn’t know tried to talk to you at the park?”
When children know they can come to you, even when they’ve made a mistake, they’re more likely to share their concerns. This can make all the difference when they encounter a situation they don’t know how to handle.
Discuss Safety in the Digital Age
In today’s world, stranger danger isn’t just something that happens face-to-face. Online predators are a real concern, so it’s important to talk about digital safety with your kids, too. Jonathan Haidt, PhD, Author of The Anxious Generation, recently sat down with the American Medical Association's Chief Experience Officer Todd Unger on the AMA Update to discuss his views on social media and how it affects children's health.
When it comes to how we approach online safety, he says, "We have vastly overprotected our kids in the real world...and we vastly under-protected them in the virtual world, which has zero safeguards."
Check out these tips from our blog on how to keep kids safe on the internet, including using parental controls on their devices, supervising their online activities, and teaching them to recognize signs of dangerous online situations.
Know Where Your Child Is at All Times
